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[25 Aug 2006|03:18am] |
This is important please read this.
If we are friends, were friends, or want to be friends from here on out, please pay close attention.
I've been a shitty person over the years. I've lied, I've betrayed and I've hurt a lot of people. I'm not proud of this, and I really dont like the person I have been. I'm not looking for redemption here, I'm jsut looking to start a new. I wanted you all to know, that I have been hurt, very badly this summer. And I deserved it. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I don't believe that anyone, no matter how horrible a person...deserves to feel pain like this. But I do know that I have had my fair share of Karma and this was more or less inevitable.
If I have ever lied to you, and if we've ever spoken, I probably have...I am truly sorry from the deepest part of my soul. I never meant to hurt you by it. I just dont think before I speak most of the time and sometimes things come out that I never wanted to say. But then I have to lie to cover that lie. But not anymore.
New me, no more lies. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to lose friends. I dont want to be hated. And this mnight be a dumb kind of public announcement but I wanted to make sure everyone saw it.
If anyone wants to talk more about this, or ask for a formal apology, you can email me...
todanceistolove@gmail.com
I'm not going to be that person anymore. I refuse.
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[17 Aug 2006|03:49am] |
School starts back up in less than a month and who hasn't even started packing yet?
Oh right, me!
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| Picture Post! |
[02 Aug 2006|08:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
Just a couple pictures of the boys from this weekend.
Cutest picture on the face of the earth!
( Read more... )
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| aghem... |
[24 Jul 2006|01:14am] |
i will be residing at andrews house until further notice.
call the cell if you need me
256-2637 :)
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| HAH |
[19 Jul 2006|07:38pm] |
People make me sick.
And real friends are hard to come by.
Remember that time you were all tools?
Oh wait...
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| UGH |
[21 Jun 2006|08:41pm] |
Felt worse than ever before yesterday. So I went to the Lake with Caitlin and it made me feel a little better.
How can you not feel peaceful when this is right in front of you?
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| FUCK |
[20 Jun 2006|11:55am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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azure ray - trees keep growing |
] |
The words that you said
They still ring in my head
Don't you know
We say goodbye
With a tear in our eye
Oh, where'd you go
It's alright you can sleep tonight
Knowing you'll always live on in a song
Farewell to old friends
Let's raise a glass to the bitter end
Farewell to old friends
Will you be the same when we see you again
Remember the days
When we'd laugh as you played
Who would have known
The water would come and just take you away
Oh, where'd you go
It's not alright
I can't sleep tonight
Knowing you should have played on
On and on
Farewell to old friends
Let's raise a glass to the bitter end
Farewell to old friends
Will you forgive me when I see you again
You had a good time
Drinking all of our wine
After the show
We all rode the wave
Of that crazy parade
Oh, where'd you go
What happened to
The ones we knew
As long as I'm the shiniest star
Oh, there you are
Farewell to old friends
Let's raise a glass to the bitter end
Farewell to old friends
We'll still be here when you come round again
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| WOS |
[12 Jun 2006|08:53am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rilo Kiley - Portions for foxes |
] |
First you said you were my friend FUCK YOU
Now the time will see if you'll stay true...
I hate to be one of those people who posts a huge bitching journal entry that is directed to someone(s) in specific because they're too lame to talk to those people in person but I really want to get this shit out and I don't care who reads it. This is directed to those of you who can't even fathom the idea that I made a mistake. And you know what, not a god damn one of you isn't guilty of fucking up majorly at least once in your lives. If you need a scape goat then fine. But hating me or taking it out on me isn't going to make you feel ANY LESS GUILTY for your own faults. You're not perfect and where the hell do you get off looking down on me? At least what I did was out of love, and not lust. I don't know how any of you could ever sit there and consider yourselves my friends. Because it's been proven that at the first site of trouble you head running for the hills. I'm so sorry that I may have done something that would reflect poorly upon you but last time I checked we were all human and shit happens. You can think I'm a horrible person for what I did, and you can say you don't want me in your life anymore but you better god damn believe you are no better than I. And if you honestly think that removing me from your lives are going to make things any easier for you then you're dead wrong. Because I'm entirely sure that I would have stood by you longer than any of those people who cast you out in the first place.
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| ON ANOTHER NOTE |
[07 Jun 2006|04:05pm] |
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I'm glad all the baby phat bling sluts from my high school all go to hardcore shows now. SUHWEET
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| PROUD OF YA' |
[05 Jun 2006|08:49am] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
] |
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music |
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Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins - Born Secular |
] |
This weekend was a really good one. Well to start there was The Know How show on Wednesday night that the boys played. And of course The Know How were a ton of fun as usual. Dave was out of control haha. Such a funny guy. Then Nate slept over after the show and we slept in Thursday morning. Thursday night I hungout with Dubs and Rew. We went to the mall and shopped like the girls we are ;-) Then I met John at our playground and we talked for a really long time. It was a nice way to tie up loose ends before he left. I felt pretty content after that. Then FRIDAY was the Taste Of Syracuse and the Sammy awards, which incase you're not familiar with them, are a pretty awesome Syracuse Area Music Award that is a pretty big honor to recieve. Well, not only did the boys win one, they won TWO! Razbari Sumthing are the new 2006 People's Choice best band and the Best New alternative recording artists!!! It was so amazing. What an awesome way to kick off tour! That being said, the boys left Saturday morning, for the show in Circleville and then off on the road for 2 months. I've never been more proud of them. They deserved this so much. I love them<3 a ton.
Saturday Nate and I went back down to the Taste Of Syracuse in the rain to see Long Since Forgotten play because I had seen Josh the day before and I told him I would come check it out. Then yesterday was a pretty lazy day. I woke up mid afternoon haha, and Shauna came over. We sat around til Nate got out of work and he came and took us to get food. And he bought us a banana split because he is amazing!!! So we took Shauna home and came back to my house and just laid in bed and watched movies for the rest of the night. :) Things have been pretty good. I guess. I need one steady job that pays enough but don't we all?! And I miss Olivia but she will be here in 18 days! And I got an email from John this morning telling me about tour so far so that made my day a million times better. :) I'm going to post a shitload of pictures now!!
( Amazingness )
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| LAKE GEORGE |
[31 May 2006|02:38pm] |
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mood |
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 refreshed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Belle & Sebastian - If She Wants Me |
] |
So I've been having a fabulous time lately. I spent all last week with Nate. And we had a blast. AND I got to hangout with Dubs and Lil Man :) Then Friday I headed up to Lake George with Shauna Marie for the long weekend. We had so much fun. Then I got back Monday night and yesterday Nate and I went to see X-Men 3 and I was very discontent with the way the movie ended! Not upset, just discontent haha. But anyway, Here are some pictures from vacay!
( Lake George! )
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| RETURN TO SENDER |
[24 May 2006|12:33pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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None |
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School's been over for a week almost. And I hate it already. I don't want this summer to happen. I'm going to be miserable. I really just wish John would leave for tour so I don't have to be around him. And I wish Jordan would come to see me and never leave. And I want to continue to hangout with Nate and Shauna everyday. That's really all that would make me happy right about now.
I've been sleeping on the god damn couch for the past week because I think my bed is far too big to sleep in alone.
I'm really just discontent with everything right now :( hmph. I miss my livvvvvy!!!
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| PAAAARTY |
[19 May 2006|02:57pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
] |
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music |
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The Decemberists - Apology Song |
] |
Okay so here it goes. Wednesday was the last day of finals so we had a party/get together at the apartment and it was all sorts of fun. I didn't enjoy it much the next morning haha but it was a lot of fun Wednesday night. I'm gonna miss everyone so much this summer. But Andrew will still be here!!
( Pictures! )
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| LEMON |
[16 May 2006|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
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music |
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Death Cab For Cutie - Passenger Seat |
] |
Yesterday was pretty fun. After my final I went to work. Then after I got home I went over to the meadows and hungout with Jordan, Olivia, Josh and Andrew. We all sat around on the porch for a while then went for a drive. Jordan was driving and I was sitting in front and the three stoners were in the back singing songs from Grease at the top of their lungs. It was pretty funny. Then we went to 13 curves and Andrew freaked out. We went to Byrne Dairy and Josh bought one of everything almost hah, they were so hungry. Then we went back to the apartment and hungout for a while then I went home.
I don't want them all to go home! I'm going to miss them haha but there's going to be an awesome party tomorrow so I am excited.
Andrew :)
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| EVERYBODY'S CHANGING AND I DON'T FEEL THE SAME |
[15 May 2006|03:54pm] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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music |
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Keane - Everybody's Changing |
] |
So I wrote an entry earlier today, but I decided to delete it and write this one. I hate having 8 million posts per day and I feel like I have a lot to get out right now. I am pretty much done with my first year of college and I don't really know what I got out of it. I feel like I wasted a lot of time worrying about where John was or what he and I were doing after school that I didn't pay much attention to my work. And that's something that I'll just have to deal with the consequences for when I end up having to take an extra semester just to cover my gen ed's. But oh well, I'll prioritize better next semester. Which by the way I'm not sure if I wish it were sooner, or if I wish that this summer would last forever. I know that come fall a lot of things are going to change. And I don't know if I am nessicarily ready for those changes. Which is why I think I am so stressed about the boys going on tour. Its not because they're leaving, it's because of whats going to happen when they come back. Danielle will be in NYC. I'm so thrilled that she got into Pratt and she has a world of incredible oppurtunities from this, but I am going to miss her. I hope she loves it there because she deserves this :) And Chris will be, well, who knows. I really miss when he and I used to just drive around and talk. I miss when we were actually, close friends. John will probably be at SU, and I'm sure he'll want to start settling down a bit. I don't know if there will be a place for me in his life then. I don't know what Derek and Rory are doing, I'm guessing staying at OCC another year. But they're always with Steve and there's no place for me with them. Who knows where the band will be. I'm having a hard time beliving they'll make it back from tour alive, and not hating each other. I love Olivia, Jordan, Andrew, and all those kids and I can't wait for fall semester to hangout with them all the time. Since they'll all be in the meadows and I'll be in the dorms. I predict hanging out a lot.
But until then there is summer. The boys will be gone. Danielle and Meagan will both probably be working a lot. I had all these high hopes of it being "the girls" this summer but I don't know. I don't feel like that's going to happen. The music kids are all going home for the summer. Shauna travels a lot during the summer. Looks like it's gonna be me and Nate this summer. Because he is pretty much the best. He's an awesome friend because he's a total guy. And we have a lot of fun and he doesn't stress about drama or politics. And there's no weirdness about one of us liking the other or whatnot. I feel like we can be total bros. Hah. And we can go to ska shows and hardcore shows and do whatever, call each other gay and have fun.
A lot is going to change after this summer. I just wish I could stop worrying about it now and just enjoy the summer while I can. Because I'm going to freak so much about fall that I waste the summer. I'm trying to make the most of the next 19 days with John, but everytime I talk to him I end up snapping at him, or feeling like I just want to scream. Plus he'll be working soon enough and well, I guess that's that. 2 weeks is going to go by really quickly. Especially since they have more out of town shows between now and tour than they actually have on tour haha j/k. But still he's going to be gone a lot, and I'm going to be gone a lot. 19 days isn't a very long time. Especially when you have to share it. Oh well, we'll see how the days unfold. I'm ready for some sunshine though. I know that much is certain.
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